Hello, friends. Welcome to Stoicism Secrets.
Today, we’re going to talk about a very important idea. It comes from an ancient Roman emperor named Marcus Aurelius. He was a very wise man. He wrote down his thoughts in a book. This book is called Meditations.
One of the biggest lessons Marcus Aurelius teaches us is about control. What can we control? What can’t we control? Understanding this can make our lives much calmer.
The Big Idea: What’s Up to You?
Marcus Aurelius kept asking himself, “What is truly mine?” This is a very good question. Think about it.
Imagine you’re waiting for a bus. The bus is late. You feel annoyed. Is the bus being late up to you? No. You can’t snap your fingers and make the bus appear.
But how you feel about the bus being late? That is up to you. You can choose to be angry. Or you can choose to be patient. This is the core of Marcus Aurelius’s teaching.
He called some things “indifferents.” This doesn’t mean they don’t matter at all. It means they don’t change if you are a good person or a bad person. The bus being late doesn’t make you a bad person.
In exploring the teachings of Marcus Aurelius on the concept of control, one can gain further insights by reading the article titled “A Beginner’s Guide to Modern Stoicism.” This resource delves into the foundational principles of Stoicism, emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between what we can control and what we cannot. By understanding these concepts, readers can apply Aurelius’s wisdom to their daily lives. For more information, you can check out the article here: A Beginner’s Guide to Modern Stoicism.
The Two Buckets of Life
Think of everything in your life as falling into one of two buckets.
One bucket is “Things I Control.” The other bucket is “Things I Don’t Control.”
Marcus Aurelius said we should spend our energy only on the first bucket. The “Things I Control” bucket.
This might sound simple. But it’s very powerful.
What Rises From Within You
What exactly goes into your “Things I Control” bucket? Marcus Aurelius was very clear about this.
It’s your thoughts. Your choices. Your actions. Your opinions. Your desires. What you decide is good or bad.
For example, you control if you choose to be kind today. You control if you choose to study for a test. You control if you choose to think good thoughts or bad thoughts. These all come from inside you. They are up to you.
No one can force you to think a certain way. No one can force you to choose a certain action. Not really. You always have a choice inside your own mind.
Your Efforts and Your Judgments
Let’s look closer at your actions. You control the effort you put into something. If you’re building a sandcastle, you control how much sand you gather. You control how carefully you pat it down.
You also control your judgments. If someone says something you don’t like, you judge it. You decide if it’s an insult or just a passing comment. That judgment is yours.
This is where your real power lies.
Understanding What You Cannot Control
Now, let’s look at the “Things I Don’t Control” bucket. This bucket is much bigger. And it’s full of things we often worry about.
Marcus Aurelius said that almost everything outside of our own minds falls into this bucket.
The Weather and Other People
Think about the weather. Can you control if it rains tomorrow? No. You can’t. You can wish for sun, but the clouds will do what they do.
What about other people? Can you control what your friend says? Or what your boss thinks? No. You can’t. You can try to influence them. But their thoughts belong to them. Their actions belong to them. Not to you.
This is a big one. We often get upset because other people don’t act how we want them to. But Marcus Aurelius would ask, “Is that up to you?” The answer is no.
Health, Reputation, and Wealth
Other things in this bucket? Your health, to a large extent. You can eat well. You can exercise. But you can’t control every sickness. You can’t stop time from moving forward.
Your reputation is also in this bucket. You can act honorably. But whether people praise you or criticize you? That’s up to them. Not you.
Wealth. You can work hard. But markets go up and down. Accidents happen. You don’t fully control how much money you have.
These are all external things. They are outside your inner core.
Why This Matters So Much
Why did Marcus Aurelius keep coming back to this? Because it changes everything.
When you focus on what you can’t control, you feel helpless. You feel frustrated. You use up all your energy. And you don’t get anywhere.
Imagine pushing against a brick wall. It’s strong. It won’t move. All you’ll get is sore hands.
But when you focus on what you can control, you feel powerful. You feel calm. You use your energy wisely. You can actually make a difference.
Peace in Knowing Your Limits
Knowing your limits brings a kind of peace. It’s like a sigh of relief.
“Oh,” you think. “I can’t control if the person next to me is noisy on the train. So I won’t waste my energy being angry at them.” Instead, you can choose to put on headphones. Or choose to read your book. Those are things you can control.
Marcus Aurelius wanted people to be free from worry. And this understanding of control is a big step towards that freedom.
He taught that all external things are “indifferent.” This means they don’t have good or bad inside them. It’s our judgment of them that makes them seem good or bad.
Reducing Worries and Anxiety
Think about how many worries you have. A lot of them are probably about things in the “Things I Don’t Control” bucket.
“Will I get that promotion?” You control your work effort. But not the final decision.
“Will my flight be delayed?” You control packing your bag. Not the airline’s schedule.
When you recognize these things are outside your control, you can let go of the worry. You’ve done what you can. The rest is just how things are.
This doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you understand where your power ends. And where your peace begins.
In exploring the principles of control that Marcus Aurelius emphasizes, one can gain further insight by examining the concept of emotional detachment in Stoicism. This approach not only aligns with Aurelius’ teachings but also provides practical strategies for managing one’s emotions in challenging situations. For a deeper understanding of this topic, you can read more in the article on mastering emotional detachment the Stoic way, which complements the lessons from Aurelius on maintaining inner peace and resilience.
Practical Tips from the Roman Emperor
So, how do we put this into practice every day? Marcus Aurelius wasn’t just thinking big thoughts. He was trying to live a good life. Even as an emperor, he faced tons of stress.
Start Your Day By Asking
Marcus Aurelius often began his day with reflections. We can do something similar.
As you wake up, think: “What might happen today that is not up to me?”
Maybe traffic. Maybe a challenging email. Maybe someone will be in a bad mood.
Then think: “How will I choose to respond to these things?”
This small practice helps you prepare your mind. You are setting your inner compass.
Pause Before Reacting
This is key. When something happens that upsets you, don’t react immediately. Marcus Aurelius would advise us to pause. Just for a moment.
Ask yourself: “Is this up to me?”
If the answer is no, then adjust your thinking. Why waste energy on something you can’t change?
If the answer is yes, then choose your response carefully. Choose a response that is good. That is virtuous. That comes from your best self.
For example, someone criticizes your work. Your first urge might be anger or defensiveness. Pause. Is their criticism up to you? No. Can you control your reaction? Yes. You can choose to listen calmly. You can choose to learn if there’s a point. Or you can choose to let it go.
Focus on Your Inner Citadel
Marcus Aurelius often talked about building an “inner citadel.” This is like a strong fort inside your mind. A safe place.
It’s where your thoughts live. It’s where your judgments are made. This citadel is completely under your control.
No external event can get inside your citadel unless you let it. A bad day at work can happen. But if you don’t let it mess up your thoughts, it can’t harm your inner peace.
Build your inner citadel strong. Guard it with your understanding of control.
The Freedom This Brings
Living by these ideas brings a deep sense of freedom. It frees you from frustration. It frees you from wishing things were different. It frees you from being tossed around by every little event.
Marcus Aurelius learned that true freedom isn’t doing whatever you want. It’s about being free from things that upset you. Free from being a slave to your desires. Free from worrying about things he couldn’t change.
He found peace in this understanding. Even as an emperor with massive responsibilities, he could find stillness. He could face huge challenges. Because he knew what was his to control. And what was not.
This lesson is not about being cold or uncaring. It’s about putting your energy where it truly matters. It’s about being effective. It’s about being present.
It’s about living a life with less regret and more calm. It’s about being a stronger, wiser person. And that, Marcus Aurelius would say, is a life worth living.
Keep exploring these Stoic Secrets. They are ancient wisdom. But they are still very useful today.
FAQs
1. Who was Marcus Aurelius?
Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor who ruled from 161 to 180 AD. He is also known for his philosophical writings, particularly his work “Meditations,” which reflects his Stoic beliefs and principles.
2. What are some key teachings of Marcus Aurelius about control?
Marcus Aurelius emphasized the importance of controlling one’s emotions, desires, and reactions to external events. He believed in the power of self-discipline and rational thinking to maintain inner peace and resilience in the face of adversity.
3. How did Marcus Aurelius practice self-control in his own life?
Marcus Aurelius practiced self-control by maintaining a calm and rational mindset, even in challenging situations. He focused on accepting things beyond his control and directing his efforts towards managing his own thoughts and actions.
4. What are some practical applications of Marcus Aurelius’ teachings about control in modern life?
Modern applications of Marcus Aurelius’ teachings about control include mindfulness practices, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, and the development of emotional intelligence. These approaches help individuals cultivate self-awareness and regulate their responses to stress and uncertainty.
5. How can Marcus Aurelius’ teachings about control benefit individuals today?
Marcus Aurelius’ teachings about control can benefit individuals today by promoting resilience, mental strength, and a sense of inner peace. By learning to manage their thoughts and emotions, people can navigate life’s challenges with greater composure and clarity.
